Revision Tips to Reduce Picture Book Word Count

By Carol Joy Munro

How many picture book writers out there have finished a draft, checked the word count, and sighed because it’s too long? Probably every one of us. Then what do we do? We either get to work on reducing word count or we put the draft away to deal with at a later time. 

Well, sigh no more! Here are some tips for finding ways to cut words. A little here. A little there. It all adds up!

Watch your use of “as.”
If you begin your sentence with “as,” it’s likely you’ll have a complex sentence in your story. Eliminating the “as” lets you use simpler sentences, which, for many reasons, are generally better for picture books.

Example (12 words)
As they mixed the ingredients, the batter got thicker and grew larger.

Revision (9 words)
They mixed the ingredients. The batter thickened. It grew!

Use stronger verbs.
The example above shows how using richer verbs and breaking up the sentence reduces word count and adds energy. “Got thicker” became thickened. We eliminated “and.” And we simply said, “It grew,” because “larger” is redundant. Okay, maybe the batter could grow smaller, but then we could say, “It shrunk.”

Here’s another example (10 words)
He ran as fast as he could from the monster.

Revision (7 words)
He hightailed it away from the monster. 

Avoid adverbs.
Cutting adverbs and using stronger verbs can usually cut your word count from two to one. It also strengthens your story by conveying exactly the emotion your character is feeling or creating a scene that evokes a stronger emotional response from the reader.

Example (7 words)
She was thoroughly upset with her brother.

Revision (6 words)
She was furious with her brother. 

Eliminate Bulkiness.
Could your sentences be more concise?

Example (7 words)
That’s the backpack that belongs to Jorge.
OR 
That backpack belongs to Jorge. (5 words)

Revision (3 words)
That’s Jorge’s backpack.

Example (10 words)
Bonnie loved to visit the house where her grandma lived.

Revision (6 words)
Bonnie loved to visit her grandma. (You might even delete “her.”)
OR
Bonnie loved to visit Grandma’s house. 

TIP: When you’re revising your ms, examine each sentence, beginning at the end of your story and working toward the beginning. This lets you study each sentence on its own, and helps you avoid getting distracted by the story. After making revisions, read the entire story aloud to check for rhythm and how the storyline flows from sentence to sentence.

Use Contractions.
Contractions help a story sound more casual and comfortable. Of course, if your story must have a more formal voice, contractions might not be the way to go. (This tip doesn’t apply to board books or early readers.)

It is = It’s
They are = They’re 
Should have = Should’ve (It’s not “should of,” by the way! It only sounds like that.)

Check for filler words.
You know what I mean: very, little, just, really, that, so… . Sometimes even the.

Example (4 words)
He had the hiccups.

Revision (3 words)
He had hiccups.

Example (5 words)
The painting was just perfect.

Revision (4 words)
The painting was perfect.

TIP: Use the “search” or “find” option to find these kinds of words in your manuscript. Consider every hit you get and decide if you can cut those words. 

Reduce adjectives and descriptive text.
This is a tough one for me to recommend because I love using adjectives in my picture book manuscripts. However, I use them judiciously — when what I have to say will amp up the readers emotional response and can’t be seen in the illustrations (for example, “…my elbow knocks the jingly keys from table to floor”). 

And while long and lovely descriptive text is wonderful in novels, its place is not in picture books. When you do use descriptive text, be sure it doesn’t do the job of the illustrator, and don’t include physical attributes of characters (height, hair color, big feet) or items (a brick house, a green car) unless they’re relevant to the story.

Limit traveling or other plot complications.
Is your character traveling from place to place? Is it necessary? Moving your character to new locations — for example, having a character visit a friend’s house for advice or an item, then return home — can add to word count. Consider how you might revise the story to eliminate the travel. Is your plot complicated in another way? Think about how it can be simplified.

Work the page turns.
When we write chapter books, novels, emails, reports, etc., we tend to use transitions from paragraph to paragraph. In picture books, though, we can usually skip the transitions. Each spread is a scene, and each page turn is a scene break, which acts the same way a transition works in other writings. Additionally, the illustrations make it clear that the story has moved on, so there’s no need for statements like “after twenty minutes” or “later that day.”

Example (22 words)
Michael poured the brownie batter into the pan. Mom popped it into the oven.
[Page turn]
After twenty minutes, the kitchen smelled chocolatey delicious.

Revision (19 words)
Michael poured the brownie batter into the pan. Mom popped it into the oven.
[Page turn]
The kitchen smelled chocolatey delicious.  

Example (28 words)
As the boys crossed the field, they talked about the game.
“I can’t believe we won!” said Billy.
“I can’t believe I caught that fly ball,” said Javi.

Revision (22 words)
The boys crossed the field.
“I can’t believe we won!” said Billy.
“I can’t believe I caught that fly ball,” said Javi.

Watch for repetition. 
Sometimes we say things twice, in slightly different ways, without realizing it. Check your story carefully. If you’ve made a point once, question whether you need to make it again. If, for example, you’ve shown a character is sad in spread four and again in spread six, ask yourself if that’s necessary to do. If not, ask yourself where to show it to get the strongest emotional response from the reader.

Check beginnings and endings.
A writing instructor I once had said every story was a fish, and before sharing it with others, we needed to cut off the head and tail. (Sorry, vegans, vegetarians, and animal lovers. This analogy grosses me out, too, but it’s a perfect one.) 

She urged all of us to study our stories to determine where it truly began. Have you written a sentence or two to set up your story? Can it simply be cut? Or if there’s a bit or two of pertinent information in that intro, can it be woven in elsewhere? 

She also asked us to see if we’ve ended the story, then prattled on. Picture book endings are tough. Keep your writing tight and watch your pacing. Let your ending pay off the story with strong reader satisfaction. 

Details, details, details.
Do you really need all the details you’ve included in your story? Unless those details are critical to your plot, consider deleting them.

Example (8 words)
Margie brushed her teeth and hopped into bed.

Revision (4 words)
Margie hopped into bed.

But wait, there’s more!
These are only some suggestions for cutting word count. I could go on, but I do have manuscripts that need tending. So help me out. Do you have tips to share? Tell us about them.